If I Were a Garden Insect

If I were a garden insect, I’d be a pill bug. Yes, a pill bug! In case you don’t know what that is, most people call them roly poly bugs. Some people think they are pests ; invading their flowerbeds or posting camp in their flower pots. But for those people who know what they are about, roly poly bugs are good guys.

Pill bugs help decompose yard waste by eating dead plant material and turning it into compost, which in turn puts nutrients back into the soil. Their assiduous work habits cause them to continually chomp and consume waste even when danger is eminent and they are fleeing for their lives! When threatened, pill bugs roll themselves into tiny armor-covered balls, using the hard outer shell of their body to protect the softer more fragile under-belly. They stay rolled up until they are sure the threat to their most susceptible areas has passed. Yep, that’s me, a pill bug. I display a tough and shielded outer shell while in reality I am protecting a very fragile and vulnerable inner-person.

I’ve had to be tough. I’ve needed to be strong for a lot of people:

• For my siblings; our father died suddenly when I was sixteen, leaving mom (a housewife) with two young adults, three teenagers, and two adolescent children. When she had to go to work, I took on a lot of the responsibility of managing the household.

• For my children: married and divorced at an early age, I spent a lot of years as a single parent working in mostly male dominated jobs so I could earn enough to take care of them and help my mother. I did everything from working heavy contruction, to working in sewers (yes, real sewer lines), to driving snow plows; Often, I was the only woman on the job (let's not even talk about sexual harassment!)

• For my mom: Elderly now, and living with my disabled sister and her teen aged son. There is Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare to fight with over denying or ever decreasing benefits. There are doctors’ visits, and school visits, co-pays and no-pays. Forget making ends meet, just want them to say “Hello” to each other on a regular basis.

• For my community: I’ve spent the last several years as an advocate for my community, fighting for changes in public policies and resources to promote a better quality of life for people living in the urban core.

I’ve been a lot of things to a lot of people, but now things have changed. Dealing with illness for several months I’ve had to cut back on being the champion for others and try to look out for myself .

I think it’s hard for some people, particularly those who don’t realize, there is a vulnerable side of me, to imagine that I can be sick, hurt, injured, feel depressed, or lonely. It’s partially my fault though. I generally don’t let people see that side of me. It’s a trust thing. I admit I have trust issues. I have let some people get close to me, only to find a knife stuck in my soft under-belly, near my heart. So trust is a BIG issue for me. It’s painful to find that people you thought were friends weren’t. Or people you thought loved you didn’t. It kills my trust and once I feel that can’t trust you, everything changes. I won’t let you close enough to hurt me like that again. I can forgive a man for stealing my wallet but, I would not leave him alone in a room with my purse again. Some would say that is not true forgiveness. Maybe it isn’t. But to me, there is a difference between trust and forgiveness. There is some damage that we can do in this life that it may be difficult or impossible to undo. Broken trust is always a hard one. It’s not impossible to restore trust, but for me it would take some time before I could open that outer protective shell and trust you near my vulnerable self again. Let us value and respect the trust others out in us by being trustworthy. Trust once broken, is not easily restored.

Psalm 55:12-16

12 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. 13 But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, 14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God

Psalms 41:9

9 Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.

Killing Me Softly

I have always liked snow. Like a beautiful white blanket, a thick layer of snow can cover even the most unsightly objects and transform them into billowy creations that warm my heart and give me a sense of peace and comfort, even on the coldest days. Abandoned cars become horizontals works of art draped in fine white linen. Trash and litter blend invisibly into the landscape, completely erased from view. Neighborhood vacant lots that may go un-mowed regularly during the summer look like winter wonderlands complete with sparkling lights courtesy of the glistening snow.

Normally a snowy, cold winter would also mean less pests and fungal problems in my mostly clay-soiled and damp back yard. It would mean the death of many annual weeds, and the freezing of many of their seeds. In addition it would mean plenty of needed water for my sleeping gardens from the thawing snow. But last fall, due to circumstances beyond my control , I was unable to properly bed my garden before the snow and winter cold arrived.

Looking out my window, now that the snow has melted, I am reminded of the things I that I didn’t get done in my garden last fall. Un- weeded, uncut, un-raked and un-mulched, I groan at the sight of it. I expect many things to live that I wanted to die, and many things to die that I would like to live. Once the covering beauty of the snow was gone, the reality of what lay underneath came back.

We all have things in our lives that we have left un- weeded, uncut, un-raked and un-mulched. Things we should have said or done; but we didn’t. Things we shouldn’t have said or done; but we did. We can spend the rest of our lives feeling guilty about how we wronged others or angry about how others wronged us. When it’s all said and done, someone else has already paid the price for all the wrong that’s been done to us and by us. The Word of God says: “Have fervent love for one another.” Fervent means showing ardent or extremely passionate enthusiasm for someone or something. Before it’s too late, let’s push past the feelings of our flesh and remember the calling of our spirit. Let go of hurt and anger. Let's comfort each other. Let's protect each other. Let’s find fervent love for one another and hold on to it no matter what. Just like a thick blanket of fresh snow, fervent love will cover and transform everything; including us.1 Peter 4:7-9 (New King James Version)Serving for God’s Glory
7 But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”[a] 9 Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.

Is it Good Enough?

People have often asked me why I garden. They can only see that there is a lot of work involved, and as far as they can tell, it seems to go on continuously throughout the season. Although they may enjoy the beauty of flowers blooming, they say mowed lawns and trimmed hedges are “Good enough” for them. Adding flowers will only make for more work. That attitude is perfectly fine when it comes to the personal preference of whether or not add a garden to your yard. However it is not the best mind-set when doing things for others.

How often have you heard a co-worker say “That’s good enough for them” when giving less than their best for their employer? How many people give less than their best when giving to or serving the poor? How often have we treated others as though they don’t deserve to have they same courtesies and considerations that we ourselves want to receive? We give them as little as possible and say that it’s “Good enough”

It doesn’t matter how much money you have to give, how much time you have to spend, or what other gifts and talents you can contribute to make someone else’s time better. What matters most is that you give the best you have to give at all times. Only the best you have to offer at that time is “Good enough”

Colossians 3:17 (New King James Version)


17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.